The most valuable investments in life take the most time, drain the most out of us and draw us nearer to God through faith. I say through faith because you can serve God and not see results for awhile. You have to trust God through what is unseen. I love each one of my students. I love the glimpses of affection they show me or the look on their face when they finally grasp a concept. These moments fill my heart with joy and realization of why God brought me here.
But ministry is not easy. I think I saw the nobleness of following Christ before I saw the constant surrendering of self. Today after teaching a student who was not interested I was discouraged. I sighed as I began to erase the white board.
“Lord, this is so hard.”
“Sarah, was the cross easy? Was my coming to die something small?”
“No, Lord. No.”
God is humbling me, piece by piece, pride by pride. How can I complain of being tired and helpless when Jesus gave it all? He suffered, truly suffered so that each one of us could have the opportunity to personally know Him. There is no sacrifice to great for Jesus. None. The longer I am in ministry the more I get in the way of what God wants to accomplish. When God asks me to give and serve beyond what I think I am capable of I have a choice to lean on Jesus or be helpless in my own strength. Many times I choose the latter but I want to choose Jesus.
Do I want God to refine me? Or would I rather be shallow and comfortable and not challenged for the rest of my life? No, despite the cravings of my flesh, I want to be made holy in God’s sight. I want to be refined for Him.
Thank goodness that He is still working on me.
Thank you so much for your prayers.
‘”My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9b